


What Does It Mean, When You Aren't You?

by its_me_smol_steve



Series: Let's Be Real [4]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Agender, Asexual, Bigender, Discussions of Gender Identity, Figuring Things Out, Nonbinary, Panromantic, demigender, gay disaster here, help???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 07:16:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19942300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_me_smol_steve/pseuds/its_me_smol_steve
Summary: I have an LGBT-related freakout and desperately need help.





	What Does It Mean, When You Aren't You?

I'm being honest - and public - because frankly, I've never been shy and because even more frankly, I don't know what to do.

Here's the deal; I'm panromantic asexual. That I know. What I don't know is how to refer to myself. Because here's the other deal; there are days I don't feel like a girl. I don't like being referred to as she/her. Most days it's fine, I like it, it's whatever. But there are some days it's not.

I figured out recently (read: two hours ago) that I'm nonbinary (or bigender), demigender (I usually prefer she/her), and agender (I don't have a gender).

So here's the main deal: I'm freaking the fuck out.

My parents (whom I live with) know I'm panromantic asexual. They... don't care for the terms. For what I identify as. So there's no way in hell I'm telling them.

But how do I tell my friends? One of them knows; I freaked out on her earlier. She's chill. (The reason I talked to her about it is because her first reaction is "You and your identity and your thoughts are VALID" and I appreciate her more than life itself.) But my other friends??? How???

They know I'm pan/ace. They couldn't care less (once they found out what it meant). But this feels like a whole different thing, a whole different layer. Is it not? Is it? How do I go about telling them, and then have nothing change for months and all of a sudden I wake up like "today I'm not a girl" and then tell them? I know they'd be chill with it but I feel like if I don't have one of those days immediately after telling them, I'm "faking it for attention" or some other bullshit.

Is this some kind of internalized phobia? Is that all it is? How do I tell myself that I'm valid?

Thoughts are a lot of work. All of this is a lot of work. I'm at a college and I'm gonna see a counselor (sometime, I hope) and I'm looking at resources to help me, but if y'all have any resources/websites/words of advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.


End file.
